The Monologues
So many of you have requested the monologues that I give at the end of each podcast episode. Thank you all for your interest, I am humbled. Here they are by episode in reverse chronological order.
Episode 15 – Good Grief: So someone you love is dying? Part 2
You know, life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at you when you least expect it. One minute, you’re cruising along, thinking you’ve got it all figured out, and the next, BAM! You’re hit with news that changes everything.
Facing a terminal diagnosis is like being cast in a drama you never auditioned for. Suddenly, the script you thought you knew by heart gets ripped up, and you’re left improvising your lines, hoping you don’t stumble too badly.
But here’s the thing about terminal diagnoses: they don’t define you. Sure, they may alter the course of your story, but they don’t diminish the chapters that came before or the legacy you leave behind.
In a way, knowing your time is limited is like having a deadline for a big project. It forces you to prioritize what truly matters, to make every word count, to savor every moment like it’s the last scene of the season finale.
And yes, there are tears, plenty of them. But there’s also laughter, love, and moments of profound connection that make you realize just how precious life really is.
So, when we find ourselves in this unexpected plot twist, let’s remember that we’re in it together. Let’s lean on each other for support, share our fears and our hopes, and make the most of the time we have left.
Because even in the face of a terminal diagnosis, there’s still beauty to be found, love to be shared, and stories to be told. And that, my friends, is what truly makes life worth living.
Episode 14 – Hospice Realities (Visitors & Boundaries)
I want to talk about something that might not be the easiest topic to discuss, but it’s incredibly important, especially when it comes to supporting our loved ones in their final days: setting boundaries with visitors.
When someone we care about is nearing the end of their life, it’s natural for us to want to be by their side constantly, to provide comfort and companionship. And while our intentions are undoubtedly pure, it’s crucial to recognize the importance of respecting both the wishes of our loved one and their need for rest and privacy.
Setting boundaries with visitors isn’t about excluding people or shutting them out; it’s about creating a supportive environment that prioritizes the well-being and comfort of the person who is nearing the end of their life. It’s about ensuring that they have the space and tranquility they need to rest, reflect, and make peace with their journey.
So, what do boundaries look like in this context? It could mean limiting the number of visitors at any given time, scheduling visits in advance to ensure they don’t overlap or become overwhelming, or even designating specific times of the day when our loved one can have uninterrupted solitude if they desire it.
It’s also essential to communicate these boundaries openly and respectfully with our visitors. Let them know that while their presence and support are appreciated, there are times when our loved one may need space or quietude. Encourage them to reach out before coming over and to be understanding if plans need to be adjusted or postponed.
By setting boundaries with visitors, we’re not only honoring the wishes and needs of our loved one, but we’re also creating an environment that fosters peace, dignity, and comfort in their final days. It’s an act of love and respect that can make a world of difference in their journey and in the memories we cherish of our time together.
Episode 13: Good Grief: So Someone You know is Dying Part 1
Life has a way of blindsiding us, doesn’t it? One minute, you’re cruising along, thinking everything’s just fine, and the next… well, the next moment changes everything.
Someday, we might get news that none of us were prepared for. The kind of news that hits you like a sudden storm on a clear day and leaves you wondering how you’re supposed to find shelter from the chaos.
It’s a gut-wrenching experience, learning that you, or someone you love dearly, are facing their final days. Suddenly, all the trivial worries and mundane tasks pale in comparison to the enormity of what lies ahead.
But here’s the thing about facing mortality: it strips away all the facades and lays bare the raw, unfiltered truth of what really matters. In the face of impending loss, you find yourself drawn to the core of your humanity, to the simple yet profound connections that make life worth living.
You cling to the memories like a lifeline, savoring each moment shared, each laugh exchanged, and each tear shed together. Because when time becomes finite, every moment becomes infinitely precious.
So, as we are dealt this sort of news, let’s hold onto each other for support, let’s celebrate the beauty of the life we’ve shared, and let’s find peace in the knowledge that love transcends even the darkest of days.
Because even in the face of heart-wrenching sorrow, there’s still light to be found and a hope to be embraced.
Episode 12: Hospice Realities (Fears, Desires, Dreams, and Frustrations the person who is dying might have)
Fear… it’s a constant companion in the silence of the night. The kind of fear that creeps into one’s thoughts when least expected, wrapping its tentacles around the heart and refusing to let go. It’s the fear of the unknown, the uncertainty that lies ahead like a vast, uncharted voyage.
And yet, amidst the fear, there’s a flicker of something else. A desire, a longing for more. More time, more moments to cherish, more memories to create. It’s the desire to hold onto life with every fiber of their being, to squeeze every drop of joy from each precious moment, knowing that time is no longer a luxury but a fleeting gift.
Dreams… they whisper in the quiet moments, vivid scenes of what could have been, what should have been. Dreams of a future that now feels like a distant mirage. But even in the face of despair, these dreams give them hope. Hope that even in the darkest of times, there’s still a glimmer of light, a reason to keep going.
So there they stand, teetering between fear and hope, between despair and determination. And as they gaze out into the unknown, they realize that in this moment, they are not alone. For they carry the love of those who have walked this path with them, as well as the love of those who came before them.
Episode 11: Good Grief: How to Express Sympathy
Sympathy, it’s a delicate dance, isn’t it? A dance between offering comfort and respecting the other’s journey. It’s about finding the right words to say when words feel inadequate, and sometimes, it’s about saying nothing at all.
Expressing sympathy isn’t just about offering condolences; it’s about extending a hand, a heart, a presence. It’s about standing beside someone in their pain, without trying to fix it or make it go away. It’s about saying, ‘I see you. I hear you. And I’m here for you.’
But expressing sympathy isn’t just about words; it’s about actions. It’s about showing up, whether that means bringing a warm meal, offering a shoulder to cry on, or simply sitting in silence.
And perhaps most importantly, expressing sympathy is about empathy. It’s about putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, feeling their pain as if it were our own. It’s about holding space for their grief, their anger, their sadness, without judgment or reservation.
So, as we navigate the delicate terrain of offering sympathy, let us remember to do so with kindness, with grace, and above all, with love. For in the end, it’s our humanity, our connection to one another, that truly heals the wounds of the soul.
Episode 10: Medications at the End of Life: Morphine and Starving Won’t Be What Kills You.
As we confront the realities of terminal illness, the need for medication at the end of life can be an essential aspect of compassionate care. It’s not a surrender to defeat but a gesture of empathy, offering relief from pain, discomfort, and the relentless symptoms accompanying the journey toward the inevitable.
In these final moments, medications become more than mere prescriptions; they are conduits of comfort and dignity. Pain management transforms into an art, delicately balancing relief with awareness, allowing individuals to experience their remaining time without unnecessary suffering. Medications become the allies in the struggle against physical distress, providing a measure of control in a situation where control is often elusive.
Yet, the complexities arise not just from the physical aspects but from the emotional nuances intertwined with medication use. It involves open conversations about preferences, potential side effects, and balancing relief and lucidity. It’s a collaborative decision-making process that involves patients, their families, and healthcare professionals, recognizing the importance of individualized care.
It’s crucial to dispel any stigma surrounding the use of medications at the end of life. It’s not about hastening death but enhancing the quality of the remaining time. The focus shifts from curative measures to providing solace, allowing individuals the dignity to navigate their final chapter on their terms.
In terminal illness, medication serves as a compassionate component, supplying comfort into this otherwise challenging journey. It’s a recognition of each individual’s inherent worth and humanity, acknowledging their right to a peaceful and comfortable passage as they traverse the uncharted territories of life’s end.
Episode Nine: Caregivers: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Being a caregiver is a profound act of compassion. This commitment goes beyond duty to touch the very core of human connection. It’s about being the steady anchor in the turbulent seas of illness, offering physical assistance and a sanctuary of unwavering support. The importance of being a caregiver lies in the ability to bring solace to those navigating the challenging terrain of health crises.
Yet, amidst this role’s significance, caregivers endure many difficulties that often go unnoticed. The physical toll is palpable – the sleepless nights, the constant vigilance, the demands of providing care. It’s an all-encompassing responsibility that can stretch the limits of physical endurance, leaving caregivers exhausted and drained.
The emotional burden is equally weighty. Witnessing a loved one’s suffering takes an emotional toll that words can not capture. The highs and lows of the medical journey become an emotional roller coaster, and caregivers navigate this tumultuous ride while remaining a pillar of strength for those they care for. Their emotional resilience is both admirable and, at times, overwhelming.
Moreover, the sacrifices made by caregivers often come at the expense of their well-being. The relentless focus on the needs of others may lead to neglect of their physical and mental health. The importance of self-care is a lesson hard-learned as caregivers grapple with the delicate balance of giving and preserving their strength.
In the face of these difficulties, acknowledging and supporting caregivers cannot be overstated. Their role is not just a duty; it’s a testament to the profound connections that bind us as humans. Recognizing the challenges they endure is a step toward fostering a society that values and supports these unsung heroes, ensuring that their acts of love and care are met with understanding, appreciation, and the acknowledgement that their role is both vital and transformative.
Episode Eight: Physical Therapy at the End of Life
In the quiet spaces of hospice, where the fragility of life meets the inevitability of its end, physical therapy takes on a role that extends beyond the pursuit of a cure.
Regarding physical therapy during hospice, the goal shifts from the cure – to easing burdens. Gentle exercises bridge the body’s limitations and the desire for independence.
Positioning and movements are not just routines but rituals of comfort. Each adjustment is a symphony of empathy, acknowledging the unique struggles of the individual. It’s about finding solace in the simplicity of a repositioned limb, a tender touch that echoes beyond the confines of pain.
Pain, a formidable companion in hospice, is met with a multidimensional arsenal. Physical therapy embraces a holistic approach, blending medical expertise with the balm of the human touch. It’s a language spoken in the stillness of a room, where every stretch and every massage is a note in the ballad of relief.
Yet, physical therapy in hospice is not solely about the body; it extends its healing touch to the spirit. As curative horizons dim, the therapist becomes a beacon of support, a guide navigating the emotional landscapes of acceptance. It’s about empowering patients to find strength in vulnerability to redefine resilience in the face of life’s final chapters.
In these moments, physical therapy becomes the art of living well, not just the science of extending life. In hospice, where time inches forward and memories linger, physical therapy is a testament to the enduring power of compassion, offering solace to those on the journey towards life’s inevitable dusk.
Episode Seven: Misconceptions About Dying of a Terminal Illness
The journey toward the end of life for terminally ill patients and their families is often fraught with misconceptions that linger in their minds. It’s not a scripted narrative, neatly framed by clichés, but a complex, deeply personal experience that defies preconceived notions.
One common misconception is the belief that acceptance equates to surrender. The strength displayed by those facing terminal illness is not a concession to fate but a testament to resilience and the courage to confront an inevitable reality. It’s not about giving up but about finding a different kind of strength to navigate uncharted waters.
There’s also the misguided notion that talking openly about death quickens its arrival. In truth, open conversations about end-of-life preferences and wishes empower individuals to maintain agency over their narrative. It’s a proactive step toward ensuring that one’s final moments align with personal values, bringing a sense of control amid the uncontrollable.
The portrayal of hospice care as a place devoid of hope is another misconception. Hospice is not about abandoning hope; it’s about redefining it. It provides a compassionate space where patients can find comfort, dignity, and meaningful connections in their final moments.
Lastly, the impact on families is often underestimated. The misconception that strength equals stoicism fails to acknowledge the profound emotional journey of those witnessing a loved one’s decline. It’s crucial to recognize that vulnerability and grief are part of this process, and seeking support is not a sign of weakness but an acknowledgement of the weight carried by those left behind.
In dismantling these misconceptions, we pave the way for a more compassionate understanding of the end-of-life journey. It’s not a narrative bound by societal expectations but a profoundly human experience deserving of empathy, openness, and a willingness to embrace the complexities of saying goodbye.
©Sheila M. Burke, Talk Deathy to Me Podcast, Episode 6
Episode Six: Hospice Realities (“I see dead people” – the dying seeing loved ones or other spirits, thin veil)
In the silent spaces that grief carves into our lives, a sweet beauty exists in seeing departed loved ones or recognizing signs from them. It’s not a dance between the realms of memory and reality. In the ordinary, the extraordinary unfolds – a familiar scent, an old song, or a fleeting image that whispers of their presence. It’s a beauty born from the heart’s yearning to bridge the gap between the here and the hereafter.
These moments are not illusions; they are the ethereal threads that connect us to those we’ve lost. In the soft glow of shared memory, we find solace. In the echoes of their laughter, we discover a timeless connection. It’s a beauty that transcends the physical, reminding us that love is an enduring force that transcends the boundaries of life and death.
The signs from departed loved ones are like gentle brushstrokes on the canvas of our grief, painting a picture of continuity rather than finality. In these manifestations, whether through a symbolic butterfly or a familiar scent lingering in the air, we witness the enduring impact of their presence. It’s a beauty that lies in the reassurance that, although they may be physically gone, the essence of who they were remains woven into the fabric of our lives.
For those that remain… the heart finds comfort in the beauty that emerges from the delicate dance between the seen and the unseen. It is a profound reminder that our shared love continues to echo through time, unveiling the eternal beauty of our bonds with departed loved ones.
©Sheila M. Burke, Talk Deathy to Me Podcast, Episode 6
Episode Five: Not to Scare You, But…
Behind the curtain of mortality, statistics reveal a myriad of reasons that lead people on their final journey. It’s a complex web woven with threads of disease, accidents, and the relentless march of time. These numbers glimpse not just cold figures but also the intricate stories of lives extinguished and the varied paths leading to the inevitable.
Medical statistics reveal a landscape where chronic illnesses often claim the spotlight. Heart disease, the silent predator, stands as a leading cause. Cancer, indiscriminate and cold in its reach, is a relentless adversary of the human condition.
Accidents, both unforeseen and preventable, carve another segment in the statistical illustration. From car crashes to falls, the unpredictability of life asserts itself, reminding us that the unexpected twists of fate can shape mortality. Meanwhile, once-defeated and now resurgent infectious diseases add a layer of vulnerability to the statistical story.
In this intricate mosaic, mental health becomes a silent undercurrent. Suicide, often wrongly shrouded in stigma, finds its place in the statistical narrative, urging society to confront the realities of mental anguish and the urgent need for support and understanding. Yet, amidst the gravity of these statistics, there’s a universal truth – every number represents a life, a story, and a legacy. Behind the figures lie the nuances of individual experiences, the impact on families, and the collective challenge of embracing our mortality with empathy, compassion, and a commitment to addressing the root causes contributing to the statistics of life’s end.
©Sheila M. Burke, Talk Deathy to Me Podcast, Episode 5
Episode Four: Hospice Realities: “The Rally”
As the shadows of mortality looms over us at death, there’s a phenomenon so profound, so utterly beautiful, that it defies our understanding and fills our hearts with wonder. I speak of the rally, the terminal lucidity that often graces those on the threshold of departing this world.
In these moments, when the veil between this life and the next grows thin, something miraculous occurs. Those who have been lost to the fog of dementia or the grip of illness suddenly awaken, as if stirred by an unseen hand. Their eyes, once clouded with confusion, shine with clarity and recognition. Their voices, once silenced by illness, sing one last time.
It is a chorus of the soul, a final fire of the human spirit in its purest form. Loved ones are reunited, memories are shared, and hearts are healed. In the embrace of the rally, there is no room for fear or sorrow, only love, acceptance, and gratitude.
But perhaps the most beautiful aspect of the rally is its message of hope. It reminds us that even in the darkest of moments, there is light. Even in the depths of despair, there is joy. And even in the face of death, there is life.
For those who bear witness to the rally, it is a gift beyond measure. It is a reminder that life is a journey, and that every step, no matter how difficult, is worth taking. It is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, and the power of love to transcend even death itself.
So let us celebrate the rally, this wondrous phenomenon that fills our hearts with hope and our souls with wonder. Let us cherish each moment, knowing that soon will be the final breath.
©Sheila M. Burke, Talk Deathy to Me Podcast, Episode 4
Episode Three: What exactly are Palliative Care and Hospice?
In the whirlwind of treatments and cures for a terminal illness or disorder, there exists a gentle, guiding light: palliative and hospice care. These compassionate approaches, often misunderstood, are beacons of comfort and support for individuals navigating life’s most challenging journey: facing serious illness and the end of life.
Palliative care, first and foremost, is about quality of life. It’s a comprehensive embrace, addressing not only the physical pain and symptoms but also the emotional, social, and spiritual burdens that weigh heavy on those facing illness. Imagine a world where every ache is soothed, every fear is eased, and every moment is filled with dignity and peace. That’s the world palliative care strives to create.
But there comes a time when medical interventions can no longer offer a path to recovery, and in those moments, hospice care emerges as a beacon of solace. It’s a sanctuary where pain is managed with tenderness, where families find respite from the storm, and where dignity in death is honored above all else. In hospice, it’s not about prolonging life at any cost but rather cherishing the time we have left, surrounded by love and comfort.
These are not just services; they are profound expressions of humanity’s capacity for empathy and compassion. In palliative and hospice care, we see the very best of what healthcare can be: a sanctuary where healing takes on a deeper, more profound meaning.
And so, let us recognize and celebrate the invaluable benefits of palliative and hospice care. Let us embrace them not as last resorts but as pillars of support, guiding us through life’s most profound transitions with grace, dignity, and unwavering compassion. ©Sheila M. Burke, Talk Deathy to Me Podcast, Episode 3
Episode Two: Between Life and Death: Signs from Loved Ones (and Stories)
In the quiet moments after losing a loved one, some find solace in what they believe are signs from the departed. A gentle rustle of leaves, a familiar song on the radio, or a fleeting scent that triggers memories – these are the whispers from the other side. Whether these signs are coincidences or meaningful messages, they provide a comforting connection to those we’ve lost. Some may see a butterfly as a symbol of transformation, while others find solace in a cardinal’s visit. In these subtle gestures, skeptics may find mere chance, but for those seeking comfort, they become a source of reassurance that the ones we love are never truly gone. It’s in these signs that we glimpse a continuation of their presence, a reminder that love transcends the boundaries of life and death. And to us believers… That they are indeed with us… In another form.
©Sheila M. Burke, Talk Deathy to Me Podcast, Episode 2
Episode One: What is a Death Doula & Why Would You Need One?
At the final curtain, the death doula steps into the shadows with a lantern of empathy. In a world where conversations about death are often muted, their role is to amplify the whispers begging to be heard. They are not merely witnesses to the end but architects of a dignified passage.
With the grace of a seasoned navigator, a death doula helps chart the uncharted territory of emotions. Grief, fear, and acceptance intertwine like threads in a complex tapestry, and the doula becomes the gentle weaver, acknowledging each strand. They offer a safe space for expression, a sanctuary where unspoken fears can be heard.
The death doula stands as a steady hand in this storm, assisting not only the departing soul but also the loved ones left behind. They are logistical choreographers, orchestrating a symphony of care that ensures comfort, dignity, and closure.
In a world that often shies away from death and dying, the doula becomes a torchbearer of acceptance. Their presence is a testament to the idea that there is room for compassion, conversation, and connection even in the finality of life. Death Doulas are guardians of the sacred space where life and death meet, ensuring that the journey’s end is met with dignity, understanding, and profound beauty.
©Sheila M. Burke, Talk Deathy to Me Podcast, Episode 1